Because of global warming some of our most cherished Christmas traditions are going to come to and end. Just exactly what’s going to happen to Santa, Mrs. Claus, the reindeer, Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman and the elves when global warming worsens.
Of course the polar ice caps are going to melt and this is disaterous for all the people and animals who live there. I wonder if Santa has flood insurance or if FEMA just doesn’t care, as it seems in many cases.
Santa’s house and workshop are going to be flooded out. The expected depth of water in Santa’s workshop is conservatively placed at approximately 40 feet or so. This means all those short little elves are going to be the first to go. Hey, the short always drown first when the water rises.
If the elves are smart enough they may construct some boats or floats from the toys the little fellas are supposed to be making. If they cn get off a distress call maybe the Coast Guard can save them. It’s doubtful tho as a catastrophe of these porportions will be hard to handle and with the ineptness shown in other disasters I expect most of the elves will perish.
To bad for the kids as the elves won’t be building presents anymore. That’s okay tho because reindeer can’t swim forever and it’s likely they will drown or be eaten by predators that can survive in the water. There’ll be a few happy polar bears when they feast on easily caught, swimming reindeer.
However the head reindeer, Rudolph, has an even bigger problem. He’s going to have to be very careful that his bright red shiny nose doesn’t attract great white sharks or killer whales. His nose makes the perfect, flashing, fish lure. I expect he’ll be killed by killer whales as they frequent the edges of the ice pack. When the ice pack is gone they’ll be free to cruise right to the north pole and fill up on fresh reindeer meat.
Now we all know what’s going to happen to Frosty the Snowman. The same thing that happens every spring. The only difference is this time he won’t be back. He’ll melt into a puddle and be gone forever. However if he’s lucky he may escape to the Himalayas and become another seldom seen animal of the high mountaans. Something like the Yeti. I’m sure many scientific expeditions will be mounted to confirm or deny the existance of Frosty but it’s not likely he’ll ever be found.
But what about Santa and Mrs. Claus? Will they survive? Not likely. It seems the sleigh only works during the 24 hours of Christmas eve so he won’t be ble to escape on the sleigh. That leaves the grim possibility that Santa and Mrs. Claus will expire from hyperthermia due to the coldness of the water. Unless of course, FEMA comes through with some trailers on pontoons. Not likely tho as FEMA is always a few days late and a lot of dollars short.
Even if Santa survives he won’t be able to wear that heavy red suit and those big boots anymore. It will just be to hot. Just imagine Santa nd Mrs. Claus running around in red thongs to stay cool. Now there’s what we really need. A couple of more fat asses in red thongs. We have enough of those already and Santa will be found guilty of visual pollution.
Alas we’ll have to start some new traditions as we won’t have Santa, the elves, Frosty or Rudolph anymore. Sheesh, if all that isn’t bad enough, what affect is global warming going to have on the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy?
Perhaps we nned to do what the cigarette companies were forced to do and put up warnings everywhere. Warning, Global warming can be hazardous to your health. It’s sure as shootin going to be hazardous to Santa and his minions at the North Pole.
When children discover all of this could have been prevented by some regulation of big business and by taking care of the environment they will never vote for a Republican and the party will wither and die. Republicans, the party that killed Santa Claus, Frosty, Rudolph and all of the elves.
